Three's Company

Most of my recent fantasies have been involving a third partner to play with. It's not a sign that I'm unhappy with my pet, but a recognition I have certain needs to be roughly fucked every now and then and feel the passion of a very lustful man. It's a very primal urge that I honestly can't ignore and fucking a dildo will only work as a substitute for so long. The interesting thing is that I fantasize about both more traditional dominant men and also submissive men.  However, the two common threads from both scenarios are that my sexual needs are being fully satisfied and that there is some level of humiliation involved for pet.

One one hand, the thought of turning pet into a cuckold is quite alluring. I have no intention of ever being in a serious relationship with any sort of dominant male again, but I do miss being thoroughly fucked every once in a while.  I think this post on I play, he waits gives some insight into a female's biological reasons for craving that good fucking every once in a while.   I don't even think that I would want a full-out alpha male as a lover, but rather a lover with the stamina and size that pet had before I locked him away.  A second male would allow me to feel sexually desired and thoroughly fulfilled as I wanted it, but still have pet as a permanent submissive partner for life.  And aside from filling my sexual needs and desires, I also enjoy the effects I hope it have on pet.  He is not the type of submissive that easily expresses how much he desires or appreciates me, so in some twisted way, I want to play on his fears of losing me by introducing some competition into bed, competition he knows he cannot compete with.  In some of my fantasies, I enjoy humiliating him more than getting fucked myself, such as making him chose to suck my lover's cock or watch my lover fuck me.  I love testing his submission with twists when either option is a losing situation for him.  Others fantasies involve spit-roasting him or making him fluff both of us before roughly going at it and making him clean up the mess afterwards.  I particularly like the thought of locking pet in some sort of cage or stockade so that he really has no hope of escaping a situation involving another man.  (Pet, you should be cautious every time I tell you we're spending a night in a hotel!)

On the other hand, I could easily see myself enjoying the service of two submissives, either to please me or to entertain me.  Doubling the pleasure like this makes me wet just thinking about it.  I thoroughly get turned on by the thought of making two male submissives compete against each other to win the right to orally please me. Think of it as a modern, feminist take on Middle Age jousting, haha. Pictures like this and this videos like this are extremely arousing for me, mostly because the idea of forcing a heterosexual male to suck a real cock at my command is a true demonstration of female authority and tests my pet's will to submit to me.

In either scenario though, my biggest concern though would be looking to later in life and how to manage family and still be able to have fun with a third partner. Would I be okay with giving that up for my children? Would the removal of a third partner not reinforce the submission of my pet? Only time will tell, I suppose.  But before I actually get around to that whole family thing, I am very interesting in testing out these various scenarios and exploring this side of my sexuality and desires for control.  Time to go put dry panties on...

Friday Night Punishment and Pleasure

For those of you following pet on Tumblr, you may have wondered what he was referring to in this post.  It's quite true that I put him in some lovely bondage to play with and to take his ass for my own enjoyment, but I also had to administer a bit of punishment first.  As my last post mentioned, he was somewhat hesitant to give me oral sex the proceeding Sunday, and this hesitation occurred again last Thursday when I stopped by his place for a little afternoon delight.   Now what good is a pet that doesn't listen to commands and do as they are expected?  Each hesitation earned him 50 swats from an implement.  Now into the next month of the contract, each hesitation will earn him 100 swats, as I'll be slowly inching up the punishments because I expect more obedience as time goes by.

Slightly red ass from 100 swats from first the riding crop and then the 

leather paddle... I may seriously need to consider a heavier wooden paddle soon.

A spreader bar to attached locking ankle cuffs to locking pet mittens 

with bonus dog biscuit gag and blindfold!  Compact pet for easy spanking!

"Pussy is a Privilege"

A reminder that he only get to orally please me because I desire it.  

Needless to say, someone was drooling all over himself
because of the gag and how rough he was fucked...

(I highly recommend the Fun Factory Share Dildo!)

A Valentine's Celebration with a Contract

Things have been a bit too hectic for my liking the past few weeks, but an update is greatly overdue.  Pet and I spent a lovely weekend together to celebrate Valentine's Day, which included the signing of the contract, bringing this relationship to the next level of control that I have been so very much wanting.   More about that in the next post, as I rather share some of the more delicious details from that weekend first...

I had already begun to plan the weekend back around the holidays when a cheap rate was made available for a pricey hotel here in the city, followed by a reservation to one of my favorite restaurants in that part of town as well.  I remember forwarding the reservation confirmation to pet, telling him to put it on our calendars and notifying him that he would be paying for dinner.  But I kept the hotel reservation to myself, an eventual surprise I would share with pet.  I personally do not like most surprises, but I do believe planning surprises for others is sign of affection and general thoughtfulness.  For pet, I hope blocking off significant time on his calendar like that helps him further submit to my will to spend time together as I desire and also helps him realize how truly special he is to me.

We had a delicious dinner and ate entirely too much, which required a bit of digestion time before any sort of playing occurred.  But a hotel room needs to be utilized in ways roommates sometimes prevent an apartment from being used.  So let the fun begin!  I offered pet something I knew he wanted for quite some time - a video of me going down on him.  His eyes lit up for a moment, before realizing that I would only do it if he wore his new lingerie in the video.  The thought of a rare blow job and a video to relive it seemed to totally negate any feelings about wearing his lingerie for me as requested.  Personally, I see nothing wrong with being able to reward pet with something he wants with my own spin on it to ensure there is at least one component of reinforcing his submission to me.  Aside from making him wear his new lingerie, I also enjoyed snowballing him after he had come, which he says he did not expect.  And I definitely enjoyed the sex that followed once he was ready to go again, later making him lick up the mess he left inside of me.  Yes, a very delicious Valentine's Day indeed.

 Pet's new lingerie as one of his Valentine's Day presents

Now a week and a half into the contract, I will say that pet has exceeded my expectations the first week.  He has been good in respect to taking care of himself as I have asked regarding the gym, eating and sleeping.  Sure, he needed a little extra prompting for my morning oral sex on Sunday when he wanted to sleep in, but he was quite on top of his game on Saturday morning, so I suppose that's a sign of improvement.   I am curious to see if that continues to be sticking point when he's been drinking the night before, which was the difference between Friday and Saturday nights.  A little corporal punishment might be in order this weekend to remind him what the expectations are and whether or not he is willing to meet those expectations for me.  Maybe starving him of pussy for a week or two would remind him why he should want to wake me up with oral sex on the weekends like all good pets should.  Maybe there will be a bit of both, one he would pretend he didn't like, and one that he would definitely not like.  To be continued... 

My new key necklace to go with my signed contract

Finally, for those of you who have stumbled upon this blog, you may also be interested in knowing that pet suggested creating his own tumblr page to share pictures and scenarios he finds arousing as an act of devotion to me and an expression of his submissive desires and fantasies.  Be sure to stop by there to get to know his dirty little mind a bit more!

A Submissive By Any Other Name...

Of all the different names and archetypes I have encountered to describe or explain the relationship between a dominant and a submissive, I've always acknowledged the master and pet description as the one best suited my ideal relationship with a submissive.  A pet is a companion kept solely for the joy it brings into one's life, providing affection and unconditional love.

But as a master, there is a certain level of responsibility one assumes in owning that pet.   There are responsibilities to socialize it properly with others, to ensure that it is fed and rested, to maintain its health and appearance, and most importantly, ensure that it behaves in a way that is pleasing to its master.  Some times retraining of previous behaviors is required, and some times no amount of training would ever be enough to correct the behaviors of some pets.  This is was the intent of the contract that I had put forward - to mold a submissive to meet my desires for control, affection and love.

To extend the analogy further, I've been thinking about the personalities of cats and dogs.  I have always enjoyed both for specific, yet very opposite reasons.  The traits I've often valued in cats, particularly their independence and intelligence, are qualities I know I possess a great deal of when my head is clear of emotion.  More often than not, cats merely coexist with their owners, wishing for nothing more than food and maybe the occasional scratch behind the ears.  On the other hand, a dog's loyalty will always ensure you have a source of comfort at home, no matter how horrible your day was.  Dogs are typically more excited to see their master and are much more willing to please.

I want my submissive to be excited or happy to see me, to not shy away when I'm being playful or affectionate, to be reliant on me for a multitude of needs and desires, and to be the one person that will comfort me when the rest of the world is hellbent on testing how much bullshit I can handle at a single moment.  I can focus a contract on activities and actions, but it's harder to control words, and nearly impossible to control attitude or enthusiasm.  I'm frustrated with myself for letting weeks pass without any clear resolution on the contract, but I also feel hopeless about the prognosis for this relationship at this point because I don't see a positive attitude or any enthusiasm from pet regarding this or any other aspect of our relationship anymore.

A Contract

I'm pretty exhausted after a fairly social weekend, so instead of a longer, more thoughtful post tonight, I wanted to at least share that there is a new contract in place and will hopefully be signed within the next week.  If pet cannot agree to this, I'm not sure that I can continue to pursue this lifestyle with him.  For anyone interested enough to read it, I've made it available for viewing and download here.

Experiments to Date

As my previous post mentions, the past year has been one of a lot of personal growth in understanding my own desires for a dominant lifestyle and a submissive pet to meet those needs.  It's been both enjoyable and liberating to realize that I can exercise as much control as I communicate that I want.  However, there have also been fits and starts in terms of understanding what desires I can firmly control, given that pet and I do not live together, and the methods for maintaining control of the desires that are possible.  It's also been frustrating at times trying to understand what makes pet tick and how I can better deter undesirable behavior, and I've been frustrated with myself at times for not exercising more control or being more firm with discipline when pet disappoints me.  In some ways, the lack of consistent control is a function of fearing that I may go farther than pet is willing to go.  However, if this is to truly work the way I would want it to, then I have to ignore those fears and realize that if pet can't meet my true desires, I should find someone more suited to do so.

With a new year upon us, I'm taking the opportunity to write a fairly comprehensive contract for what I expect of pet going forward, having experimented a fair amount over the last year.  Pet knows to expect a new contract in the coming days, one that builds upon these experiments to date and also challenges him to grow more submissive to exactly what my ideal pet would be, at least for the time being while I don't live with a submissive.  There are key elements of sexual submission such as chastity and humiliating manners in which he may ask for sexual attention, but there are also elements of chivalry, feminization, and domestic service.  My intention with this contract is to honestly see how much he is willing to bend to my will, as I do find a certain level of pride in him that I would not expect in a submissive.  If pet can prove to me that he is willing to meet these demands within the next several months, then I will consider finding an apartment to live just with my pet.

(And as a bonus to those of you reading about the early stages of this blog, once pet has agreed to the terms of said contract, I'll be sure to share a link to the final version for anyone that might be interested to read it in more detail.)

So let me talk a bit about the experiments this past year or so...

In regards to sexual dominance, I was very eager to explore chastity with pet.  He already owned a CB6000 and had experimented with it to some extent in a previous relationship and also experimented on his own.  He explained the issue of pulling out once we began to discuss his desires for chastity, and how he felt that a piercing would remedy that problem.  I took the lead in searching and emailing several tattoo and piercing parlors in the area, and several weeks later, I sat with pet as I watched my cock receive its PA piercing.  Since last April, it's been an ongoing experiment to test different chastity devices and PA jewelry, some of which I've documented on the Chastity Mansion forum.  Currently, it seems that the PA5000 is going to be the chastity device of choice, but I do think a modification to the CB6000S is in order as a reliable second option.  The current term of chastity is set in two-week intervals for the time being, syncing it with my own menstrual cycle, which allows for more time to me to sit on that very gifted tongue of his.

The piercing of my cock that happens to be attached to pet.  

Did I mention that he wears panties for me?

Sexually speaking, I definitely have a bit of an ass fetish when it comes to men.  Hearing the intense moaning of a man when rubbing his prostate and stroking his cock at the same time is absolutely intoxicating to me, and in those moments, I don't doubt I could convince a man to do anything I want.  I will say that I have always enjoyed kinky sex with elements of bondage and teasing, and as such, my toy box had a decent stock of toys and some bondage cuffs when I first started dating pet.  Let's just say that the amount of toys, implements, and restrains no longer fit in a deep drawer in a nightstand, and I've definitely enjoyed the creative scenarios that my expanded toy box can facilitate.  Pet understands that he is to clean up any mess from sex, whether that be cleaning off the dildo I fucked him with, or washing the towels that he used to wipe up his cum, when I don't make him eat it, that is.  This will all surely continue in the future.

Wearing my lovely La Femme Strap On Harness 

and teasing pet with a smaller toy after a cropping session.

The one area that is still presenting some challenges for me is accepting that pet does not want to initiate any sexual acts between us, which is hard for me to wrap my head around because I do consider myself quite sexy to anyone that likes curves.  So be it as it may, he will understand that he is to ask for sexual attention in some very humiliating ways if he feels like he's not getting the attention he would like, just as any real pet would seek to play with his mistress, and that any complaining about a lack of sexual contact will be punished severely.

I think I should note that much of the desire into a broader D/s relationship stems in some ways from a desire to push back against gender stereotypes.  However, it's probably easier to some extent to be an assertive woman than a meek man, even in this day and age when gender roles are blurring more than ever.  I understand that the humiliation that goes hand-in-hand with feminization is something most men would die of embarrassment if their coworkers or friends knew.  I occasionally pick up a new pair of panties for pet to wear when I'm out shopping for myself, as I love the visual of a submissive's ass or a nice bulge of a chastity device in panties.  I've required pet to wear them more frequently to work or school, checking in on him at some point during the day to make sure he obeyed.  Sooner or later, pet will only have pretty panties to wear.  He also has a training bra from XDress that I may just start telling him to wear under his work shirt and suits on special occasions.  So aside from the obvious sexual turn-on and household benefits that come with feminization, I know the humiliation is another form of control to use with submissives.

However, my desires for dominance go well beyond these sexual turn-ons to the practicalities I desire of D/s relationship.  I already exercise control of the majority of pet's daily schedule, and he understands that the any and all engagements beyond work and school are to be approved by me.  That will obviously continue, as pet's introverted personality would be perfectly happy to stay at home most night, but a mistress such as myself desires dates out for dinner, movies and other fun activities a city has to offer.  These dates also provide other opportunities for pet to be an obedient submissive, which most non-kink folks would merely observe as chivalry.  I currently expect that doors are open for me, but I'll be adding other gentleman-like behaviors to the impending contract, as he needs to be reminded that he is constantly to serve my desires and think of me first before himself.  Moreover, certain behaviors of his are also unattractive and undesirable, such as sleeping entirely too late on weekends, drinking too much, and having a mouth that often spews sarcastic and negative comments.  All of these behaviors will be corrected through various means of additional days in chastity, CBT, locked in a dog crate, spankings, croppings, paddlings, and even good old fashioned soap in his mouth.

To end, I do have to say that I enjoy being able to leave a list of chores to be done on occasion when we've enjoyed the house to ourselves when my roommate is out of town.  Sure, I'm still correcting what he puts in the dishwasher and how to fold my clothes, but I have no doubt that he's capable of that in the long-term if we were to live together.  I have to see if he can handle this new contract in the coming months...

Initial Reflections

"I have spoken of the learning of Ligeia: it was immense --such as I have never known in woman. . . . That she loved me I should not have doubted; and I might have been easily aware that, in a bosom such as hers, love would have reigned no ordinary passion.... "

It seems slightly absurd that Poe's prose would be at all appropriate for the initial reflections of why I wanted to create this blog about my desires for a fulfilling and romantic D/s relationship, but there is a dichotomy present in this story that has always stuck with me since first reading it over 10 years ago. The narrator desires the Lady Ligeia with intense and passionate, yet unconventional love, and when he tries to soothe his grief after Lady Ligeia's passing with a more traditional love, it proves unsatisfying for him, so much so that drug-induced visions see Ligeia rise from the dead to inhabit Lady Rowena's body.

My own feeling of wanting something more than the traditional love most couples experience has been something I could never really put my finger on. For a long time I dismissed this feeling as nothing more than being spoiled and stubborn in my ways, and I wondered if it would ever be possible to find someone that was willing to do everything they way I would want, from submitting to kinky sex to tending to household chores to obeying a schedule I would determine to raising children. However, traditional gender roles within my extended family made me feel that I would eventually have to find areas in which to compromise my overall desires for my own life and assume a life only partially satisfying. Consider this my official denouncement of that willingness to compromise.

At the risk of boring everyone to death, let's get down to some basics about me and what I can say about my dominant tendencies to date.  I have early memories of enjoying a more dominant role, particularly as it relates to men, everything from dressing my younger brother as a ballerina complete with nail polish for the sole purpose of amusing myself to physically hurting boys I disagreed with growing up.  I have always gravitated towards men that were more reserved than I am, sensing an ability to bend them to my desires in one form or another.  And as my sexual desires have become more clear over the course of past relationships and the subsequent rebounds, I know that I am ever attracted to bondage and other forms of sexual control and blurring the line between pain and pleasure in a cathartic escape from daily stresses.

Over the course of this past year, I have been dating a submissive man that was quick to confess that his sexual desires were kinky, so kinky that chastity and pegging were something important enough to him that he felt the need to put them on the table within the first few weeks of knowing each other.  Having only experienced dominant anal play with a rebound since my last serious relationship, I was eager to explore these kinks, but I'll tell you more about myself and my relationship with pet in the coming days and weeks...  [Edited note: pet says that I was more into pegging, as I'm the one with the ass fetish, but I reminded him that I had not pegged anyone with an actual strap on, and that he was the one with the Feeldoe.]

In short, I know that there is a space in which traditional romance and family life can exist within the context of a D/s relationship, and I've begun to accept that anything short of that dynamic would leave me unsatisfied with life.  The only problem is that it's much easier to adapt to the traditional gender roles I was raised to understand.  So it's now a matter of reprogramming myself to focus on the desires that will truly make me happy over the course of my life, and the more I discover about myself, the more interesting this whole thing will become...